Public vs. Private

One of the biggest challenges for me has been as still is:
"How to perform the kind of social behavior that that ensures my American counterpart receives the message I am actually sending".
It often seems to me that following the cultural manual that has been installed in me for over 25 years on how to interact in social contexts does not result in the expected outcome on this side of the Atlantic. It feels more like trying to figure out your DVD player by reading the manual for

Public vs. Private
Germans are raised to distinguish between two spheres, the public sphere and the private sphere. Public sphere means everything outside your home, family and close friends. Each sphere has a different set of behaviors. Germans really value their privacy; this is reflected in public behavior. It is considered polite to not bother someone unless there is a specific reason.

Have you ever observed the completely different experience you will have on a plane depending on who sits next to you? I have watched this over and over again. A German will approach you to get out of his seat to use the restroom and also say "Hello" and 'Goodbye". Bu unless you start the conversation or alcohol is consumed you probably won't hear much more for the next 10 hours. This way the German honors your privacy even though you are sitting cramped in on tight space. Sitting next to an American is a completely different way of spending those 10 hours. Before you even had a chance to sit down you will probably be evolved in all kinds of chip chat on what you are doing for a living. If you brought a book to read, just put it away, you won't get to read it and even when you put on headphones or pretend you are sleeping, you will be talked to! Okay, I'm exaggerating, but I seriously had experiences like that and at first that came across quite intrusive to me.

You see, according to the German manual your interaction will be polite, reserved and reduced to the facts that are needed to deal with a situation unless you know somebody better and that person moves on to the private sphere. I Germany it is considered most inappropriate to call someone older than you or in a higher rank/position by their first name unless invited to do so. Here my clients call me by my first name! To be invited into the "private circle" means you are considered trustworthy.

The problem that occurs now is that certain clues that announce to Germans an interest for a closer relationship are to Americans just standard behavior and don't mean they handpicked them to be their friend. When in response to this perceived invitation the German starts to share his privacy - humor, home, opinions - he can feel disappointed or even violated when this special gift is not treated as such because it does not match with the status of the relationship that is perceived by the American.

W. Parks writes

http://adaptorlose.blogspot.com/2009/03/why-americans-always-smile-and-germans.html


Hot to treat guests
privacy , meaning of ones home












The minefield of intercultural communication
by Max Keller

After having done some reading on the topic I came to the conclusion that intercultural communication is horror.

I mean, in the average English didactic lesson the professor tells about the fact that there might be some problems and that one has to be careful; usually this is accompanied by a stereotypical example of things that went wrong. But this is as far as it goes. Many professors and English teachers mistake the whole topic of intercultural communication by only pointing out differences that are apparent: Germans shake hands at every opportunity, Anglo-Saxon people don’t, etc. And that’s about it.

But due to above-mentioned research I am now able to tell that there are quite some more differences between the US/English and the German culture. Many features of communication are implicit to the respective culture and therefore most people are not aware of them (it’s like the grammar of behavior: you need no explicit knowledge of grammar to speak your mother tongue correctly). Only to people who live in another culture for a longer time period these differences can become apparent - and then it is additionally very difficult to trace those differences. In the following explanations it is necessary to use somewhat stereotypical features of the cultures to make distinctions possible. I am absolutely aware that this is not an accurate way of describing reality. So when you read about a typical German or a typical American this only represents a theme and not actual persons or characters.

One of those stereotypical features of German behavior is a certain amount of directness. Germans usually mean what they say. An invitation for coffee entails the act of arranging a possible date to drink coffee. In other words: the polite American who says: “Hey, why don’t you come over some time?” will be surprised to find that the German really wants to visit him. The same principle applies when the American is taken aback by the German who just says goodbye without an invitation - the German and the American both never intended to invite the other after their first meeting, but the German makes it clear.

A similar problem occurs when a person is asked his or her opinion on the country (or anything else). The polite American will say that everything is lovely and nice because saying something negative would be horribly impolite. The German, on the other hand, remarks both positive and negative things because it is a sign of a critical mind to analyze things and find good things and downsides. So the German shows polite behavior in criticizing things as this shows a certain respect towards something - only if you think about something you give it a certain value. By thinking you find downsides, and if you express them - well not a problem to another German, just say WHY you have your opinion. Many Germans love to argue or to discuss and there’s nothing better than a nice disagreement for a good discussion. This even leads to the phenomenon that some people are of a different opinion as a default. Sometimes I behave myself like that: Somebody states something with which I agree. Nevertheless I take a different point of view - all for the sake of a nice discussion and, what is more, the more diverse the opinions are, the better you can understand different viewpoints and the more thoroughly you can analyze the thing.

And there is more. Germans have humor. They just don’t show it. In Germany a very sharp separation of public and private sphere applies (Dienst ist Dienst und Schnaps ist Schaps). In the private sphere Germans can be quite humorous people but in the public sphere they are not. This is because being funny in public means that you are not serious. [Public sphere should be defined as a setting in which people meet who are not friends and who have business to do. So, political debate, classroom, business meetings etc. can be identified as public sphere settings. In analogy, private sphere can be defined as a meeting of people (usually close to each other) that mainly serves the purpose of 'mating' or relaxing (pubs, the family's living room, a party etc.).] The German is therefore quite surprised to find his English-speaking business partners constantly joking as he is not aware that humor is an essential part of Anglo-Saxon culture and prevails in all life situations. Vice-versa, the Anglo-Saxon is surprised by the German’s perceived stiffness.

When it comes to friendship relations the transatlantic division also becomes quite obvious - although the reasons for the misunderstandings are not so very obvious. The American defines him- or herself mainly by his or her profession and is therefore looking for friends with similar interests. Therefore the pattern of friend-making is that they ask what people do for a living and pick friends accordingly. For the German, however, the occupation of a friend is a secondary thing as friendships are based on a broader perspective: a general pleasantness is also valued highly. The German therefore banters a lot with people and talks about quite a number of topics with a possible friend before actually calling the relationship one of “Freundschaft”. The American’s direct request what a German does for a living and the tendency to stick with the one shared interest strikes the German as superficial whereas, in the opposite direction, the German is perceived as stiff and a bit boring (why all this talk about politics, cars, the environment? I want to talk about fishing!)

There are many more examples of misunderstandings that can occur when people of the above mentioned cultures meet. Usually, however, their seemingly impolite, or superficial, or stiff behavior can be explained by the different cultural grammar. The best intentions can be in vain because the perception on the other side is a different one.

Therefore, after this (I hope sufficiently neutral) introduction to the cultural differences, I have a request: Please try to become aware of the differences and let the results of possible communication failures not contribute to your set of stereotypes.

The sources I used for this article are the following:

http://usaerklaert.wordpress.com/2006/09/18/warum-amerikaner-briten-kanadier-nicht-sagen-was-sie-meinen/

http://andrewhammel.typepad.com/german_joys/2007/10/although-instan.html

http://www.spiegel.de/international/0,1518,416920,00.html

The links lead to the three articles that are very explicitly dedicated to the topic but I can only encourage further reading (especially in the former two). There is a lot to be learned! May be you can even help me with one open question. Kalberg (German Joys) and "Spiegel online" are somewhat contradictory in one point. "Spiegel" online and "USA-erklärt" both point out that Germans are more direct whereas Kalberg points out that Americans are. My possible explanation is the class relationship. The German will speak openly to and contradict anyone in a close relationship whereas he/she is more cautions towards people of higher social rank (even more so in public settings). The American, on the other hand, is very polite in private settings and in public settings less aware of (in his/her culture non-existent or less-existent) hierarchies and can therefore speak his/her mind more openly in the public sphere. Read for yourself and tell me if you find that explanation convincing!

23/01/2008 Edit: Today I talked to a university professor of mine who is from the US and came to Germany some 25 years ago. She found my hypothesis that the situations are reversed (US: private politeness, public sphere openly speaking their minds - Germany: private directness, public sphere politeness) quite convincing. I am happy to have it confirmed by someone who knows a bit about it.

Thank you for reading. And, btw, some evidence hints that I myself violently hurt some people on this minefield. I am really sorry but I did it unintentionally.

http://kellermax.wordpress.com/2008/01/22/the-minefield-of-intercultural-communication/

http://andrewhammel.typepad.com/german_joys/2007/10/although-instan.html

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Is Los Angeles going green?

I couldn't help myself but finding this hanging on my front door just made me laugh:

Als das heute an meiner Türe hing, konnte ich mir das Lachen einfach nicth verkneifen:



Instructions on how to save water/energy and 2 energy saving light bulbs. It seems Los Angeles is 20 years behind the rest of the world but better late than never...

Eine Anleitung zum Wasser- u. Energiesparen und 2 Energiesparlampen. Scheinbar ist Los Angeles dem Rest der Welt 20 Jahre hinterher, aber besser spät als gar nicht...

Public Transportation in LA

During a few trips to LA before we were married I had stayed in Pasadena and almost daily taken the metro to Sherman Oaks. I was told the system was quite new so I didn’t expect any difficulties. Well, the first thing that struck me was that weekly or monthly passes could not be purchased at the stations. The machines only let you buy day passes to use the whole metro net for $ 3 (which I thought was quite affordable compared to Germany). So where do you buy a weekly pass? You look up online which super market chains sell those passes. Great, there was one that I would pass on my foot walk to the station anyways. Turned out this particular store didn’t sell the passes but on “just up the street” does sell them. No problem, I’m used to walking so I walk, and walk and walk and after at one or two miles of walking uphill the same street I give up because I start to notice that I seem to be the only white person in this area, there are homeless people on every corner and all the public phones I try to call my hubby-to-be don’t work. Fast forward, after wasting more time in a super market that was out of the passes or didn’t sell them after 6PM, I forgot which on it was, we are in another market to finally buy that pass. We learn that a 2-week-pass only starts at a certain random day, so basically for the next 3 days I would have to purchase the pass that includes those days and pay for the week already passed. At that point I started to understand why most people in LA prefer taking the car in spite of the crazy traffic. Alright, I just stick with the daily ticket. I arrive at the station and look for the time table. Em, there is not time table displayed on the station. Interesting. As I find out later foldable time tables are available IN the train which doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me but at least it’s a time table. All together I have to say they metro is not the worst experience as long as it is available in an area you want to go. And you always meet interesting people of all colors and races. I like this strange awareness that I’m part of God’s diverse creation which reminds to the old Sunday school song “Ja, Gott hat alle Kinder lieb, jedes Kind in jedem Land…”. The songs talks about how God loves every child in every nation and goes on introducing children of different races etc. One particular encounter on my way back from checking out Chinatown with a friend made me realize that a live in LA now. I was waiting for the train to start moving when suddenly a guy came running in. His behavior was strange, he was all sweaty and out of breath, looking around very paranoid, sitting down for a few seconds on different spots in the train and trying to open the door to the cockpit. Seconds later two cops entered the scene and handcuffed him. They looked under the seats as if looking for something and took off. Once the train was moving another passenger said “OMG, no I know what they were looking for!” and picked up a small plastic tube with some kind of pills in it. I found another one under my seat. Well, just a normal afternoon on the metro and another arrested drug dealer. Often there are also people who seem to be mentally not quite there (usually homeless) who try to sell some (Christian!) books and curse at the whole department when nobody buys anything.

The really interesting part of the journey however is the connecting bus ride. Buses are not really scheduled; they just arrive whenever they do. The time table says “ every 20 min between 2PM - 4PM”. One day I have waited 45 min! The bus was packed already when a person in some kind of a wheel chair which looked more like a full length hospital bed to me decided he wanted to get on this very bus although everybody else has been there before him. So half the people had to get out to make space for him and wait for the next bus. Once you’re on the bus you notice that you are surrounded by teenagers, senior citizens, homeless people and hardly white people. I found it shocking to realize that using the bus is seems to be a sign of social class in the US or at least in LA.

This was so obvious to me at one particular ride. The bus driver must have had a really bad day. It was pouring, winter in LA, and a guy entered the bus via the back door because he had a big sack with a down comforter or something that he didn’t want to get wet. Then he walked to the front to pay for his ticket. Well, the bus driver told him to get out of the bus and enter the proper way which is through the front. He said something about security measures and a bomb or something. The guy refused to do that so the end of the story was that the bus stopped and the bus driver called the police. I thought I was part of a movie, seriously. So we were stopped and everybody started talking about missing appointments. There was no one without an accent and the only other white person was from Italy. Well, I was in good company, haha, and finally we all had to get out and wait for the next bus of this line.

Another day I was waiting at the bus stop when a guy with long grey hair approached me and said something about the peaceful aura that surrounded me. Must have been some kind of newagy person that could feel that I am a Christian. I don’t know why I even bothered talking to him but he wanted me to call the number of his agency for modeling or something and insisted I talk to a German girl who worked for him as a make-up artist. Weird. In Germany I had used the train quite a bit to get around before I was allowed to drive with 18, to get to work and to visit my parents during semester breaks. But I never had an experience that came close to the “high lights” I just described which all took place during the day. I mean I don’t know what happens on Berlin trains or busses but for me it was definitely a new experience (which most people I know in LA have never had!). Now that we have two cars the metro adventures are replaced by traffic adventures on which I will elaborate another time…

Daily News

As part of my daily routine in Germany I used to watch the news at 10:30PM at channel 1 (ARD) if I happened to be home (This channel is one of the channels you can receive for a small fee without having satellite or cable TV). I would use the time to do some sit-ups or other exercises or do my nails during this 30 min of structured compact information about what’s going on in nationwide and worldwide. So with this being my “normality” I switch on the TV while doing the first ironing sessions as a married woman and find a program that looks like a regular news show to me. At this point we don’t have cable or satellite TV and I am happy that depending on your antenna you can get many channels for free! So here I am looking forward to hearing what’s going on in the world – 60 min later I have to realize that the only new thing I learned was that this mission was harder to accomplish than I had expected. I was sort of disillusioned about the fact that within 60 min I had watched probably 10 min of actual news. The rest of the time was filled with commercials and teasers of the news to be reported and flash-backs of the news that just had been reported. The actual news had NOTHING to do with worldwide politics and not much with nationwide politics or anything I would have considered worth reporting. It was more like the random news show like the German show BRISANT (in case it’s still broadcasted). Stuff like “Chi-wa-wa in Beverly Hills mated with Rottweiler”. Okay, I made this one up because I can’t remember and stopped trying to watch the news on TV over 2 years ago. Bottom line is that after a few more attempts I had to find another solution to still my hunger for “real” news that also report outside of Los Angeles. We didn’t have the money for cable TV (still don’t) or T-bo so I couldn’t receive CNN, BBC or any German programs. Spending a lot of time at the computer I also didn’t feel like reading the news online (Many Americans seem to do that like my hubby and some friends). Although once in while it is nice to read something like the SPIEGEL news magazine online. Thank God I soon found out I could watch the very news program I used to watch in Germany online while doing my workout, yeah! Thanks to my hubby’s aunt I also got a weekly German language newspaper called the California Staatszeitung which on the first few pages give a good overview of what’s going on in the German word and matters of German-US relations. The only down part is that this way I don’t get very detailed American news but so far I’m okay with that.

Side note: Through my 2^nd cousin living in Australia I found out about an online TV recorder that lets me record and download German TV programs for a annual fee. That way I prepare for our future children by recording my favorite German children’s shows, and I get to watch German movies (in hope that one day my hubby’s German is good enough to watch with me).

Action Seekers vs. Truth Seekers

Transatlantic Letters from William Parks
Comments on German and American Culture and Society

#3 Action Seekers
Americans often become impatient with Germans and their love of thorough discussions. Americans are action seekers. We place high value on pragmatic action and individual initiative. We still have the frontier experience in us. We learned that you can't clear the wilderness, build homes, and defend them against wild animals by discussing these things. Better to take action, get something going, see how it works, and then make any corrections necessary.

Today we are no longer in colonial times or in the Wild West. The wild animals have been replaced by wild and savage competitors. We have to be lightening fast to the market, otherwise the competitors will control that market while we go bankrupt with our superior products. Microsoft is the epitome of the action seeker, valuing marketing over product perfection.

Discussion is important to reach a workable decision, but we need a leader to channel that discussion. Give everyone a chance to speak so they feel they're valued as individuals, get them all to agree by the deadline, and then launch the surprise offensive while the competition is still sleeping.

When transatlantic partners get together, there can be friction and misunderstandings. Americans easily see Germans as feet draggers who never do anything; Germans easily see Americans as juveniles creating one mess after the other. This means latent mistrust that can develop in any undertaking.

Nevertheless, we can recognize these differences and learn from each other. American action seekers are pragmatic and highly aware of market constraints. Germans can learn how to react faster to market pressure and accept the consequent risks. But first of all, set a definite time limit to the discussion.

#4 Truth Seekers
Germans tend to be truth seekers who take a lot of time in discussing the issues involved, and who strive for building up a broad consensus around any decision. Germans place high value on clarity and thoroughness. In making an important decision, you want to do it once and do it right. This prepares the groundwork for clarity of action. The action then taken represents full and final commitment resulting from the best possible use of the intellect.

Commitment to the right course of action can bring long-term benefits for generations: German engineering, postwar reconstruction, and two centuries of chemical research are examples. It is of supreme importance to seek and recognize the single best course of action, the "truth," and then put all your resources into this.

This is serious business. Do it right and the matter is settled for the rest of your life. Do it wrong and you have to do it again, and that is unnecessary. Listen very carefully to everyone who has something to say in the matter. Encourage controversy and very tough questions; that way you know people are serious about what they are saying and expect the same from you in return. Reach as broad a consensus as is humanly possible, so when you make that decision, everyone is totally behind it.

German truth seekers at their best prepare careful groundwork that prevents costly false starts. Furthermore, in their love of controversy, tough questions, and endless discussions, Germans are far more likely to take particular local conditions and needs into consideration when extending operations abroad. Americans can learn from Germans that careful, patient deliberation now can save a lot of time, money, and effort down the road later. But first agree on which topics require thorough discussion and consensus, and which do not.

(http://www.howtogermany.com/transatlantic/transatlantic.php)

Although this one is more about business relations it still made me laugh...

Smiling Americans vs.Unfriendly Germans

Transatlantic Letters from William Parks
Comments on German and American Culture and Society

#1 Why Are Americans Always Smiling?
First of all, like people everywhere, there are times when Americans smile, and times when we do not. What is noticeable about Americans, however, is that we seem to smile far more often in public than people of other nationalities do. Americans have a very strong desire to be personally accepted by people in general, even strangers. In meeting another person for the first time, our first impulse typically is to somehow get that person to accept us.

What seems strange to Germans is that we seek this personal acceptance from people we don't even really know. Germans usually remain very reserved in public, and if the contact has something to do with work, are more inclined to seek respect for their competency. We all have a very basic human need for recognition, but Germans and Americans have differing initial strategies for gaining this. Germans typically seek recognition first for being competent in their area of work, and then only gradually seek personal recognition afterwards as the relationship deepens. Americans typically seek recognition first as a person, and then we use this recognition as a kind of psychological platform for demonstrating our competency in connection with work.

In the home culture, each of these strategies is sound, but in the transatlantic work context, they can lead to misjudgments of a person's character. Germans will often see Americans as "superficial" because we are smiling "when it doesn't mean anything." Americans will often see Germans as "aloof" because "they don't want you to get to know them." These are misjudgments because the behavior patterns here are acquired in the course of the person's socialization and have little or nothing to do with personal character.

#2 Why Are Germans So Unfriendly?
This is often the impression Americans get after arriving here. In over 30 years of experience with the Germans, however, I've found them just as friendly or unfriendly as any other people. In public they tend to be reserved and unemotional, but in private they open up and can become very warmhearted, good friends.

In public, Americans present themselves as friendly and outgoing, greeting strangers often with something like: Hi, how's it going? (Response: Great.) Germans present themselves as distanced, often "looking past" strangers, unless there is a clear reason for interacting, as when someone needs help.

There are different "game rules" involved here. We Americans like to have some sort of vague contact to the other people we see, including strangers. This may well be a holdover from frontier days, when it was vitally necessary to have some sort of idea who the other people in town were.

Germans play by different rules. You have people you know, who are your friends; and people you don't know, who are strangers. You deal very differently with these two very different types of people. You usually have contact with strangers only when there is some reason for this, and then you show considerable reserve and politeness. There is no reason to seek contact for its own sake. This is not being "unfriendly," but more a way of showing tacit respect and not intruding unnecessarily on the other person.

Of course there are differences in both countries - more "friendly" in the south and in the country; and more reserved in the north and in the cities. Wherever you are, "thawing out" together is not difficult, especially at any of the numerous German-American organizations. In addition, there is the fine old tradition of going out after work for a drink. Prost!

(http://www.howtogermany.com/transatlantic/transatlantic.php)

Cultural Code "Honesty": Polite or Rude?

I'm sure we've all had experiences like that. If you are American you've probably come across a "rude" German. And if you are German you've probably wondered if all those nice things an American says about you are just a polite technical term or actually meant seriously.

It often seems to me that following the cultural manual that has been installed in me for over 25 years on how to interact in social contexts does not result in the expected outcome on this side of the Atlantic. It feels more like trying to figure out your DVD player by reading the manual for your printer.

I can recall many situations in which I have tried to translate to the best of my knowledge what would have been the perfectly appropriate German approach to this specific situation and apparently in American context it was considered inappropriate or even rude. Often times when I felt I knew people well enough to just be myself I learned afterward that I scared people off by being too opinionated, too passionate, too negative and too direct.

The following articles offers some insight on how the American social manual translates to the German social manual and vice-versa and hopefully it will reveal some underlying motivations and intentions of social behaviors to help mutual understanding.

Max Keller, who is German, writes in his blog "The minefield of intercultural communication" about this topic:
One of those stereotypical features of German behavior is a certain amount of directness. Germans usually mean what they say. An invitation for coffee entails the act of arranging a possible date to drink coffee. In other words: the polite American who says: “Hey, why don’t you come over some time?” will be surprised to find that the German really wants to visit him. The same principle applies when the American is taken aback by the German who just says goodbye without an invitation - the German and the American both never intended to invite the other after their first meeting, but the German makes it clear.
http://kellermax.wordpress.com/2008/01/22/the-minefield-of-intercultural-communication/

An article in "Der Spiegel online"from May 18 in2006 gives an American perspective:
Brutally Honest: "Have You Gained Weight?"

Don't beat around the bush in Germany. If someone asks a question, answer it honestly and expect the same in return. "Yes I have put on a few pounds," is the correct answer.

You've been invited over to a friend's house, and his grandmother serves you a cake she has labored over for hours.

Granny: I had to go all over town to get the ingredients. It's my own grandmother's fruitcake recipe, but you can't get pickled figs and horseradish syrup at the shops anymore!

You have three responses to choose from:

a) Oh, thank you so much. It looks lovely.

b) Oh, thank you, but I'm dieting. I can't eat cake.

c) I don't like fruitcake at all and figs make me swell up and break into a hideous, oozing rash.

If you picked a, you are probably English or American. And even if you can't stand fruitcake, you'll shovel it in to make granny happy. Many well-mannered (or quick-thinking) Americans may also have chosen b.

The third answer, though, is reserved exclusively for Germans. How, after all, can honesty be rude? Why on earth would you lie, say the Germans? You don't like fruitcake, why pretend that you do? And those figs could kill you!

In England or the US, of course, answer ccould very well result in a rolling pin upside the head. In Germany, however, it's merely a standard form that human interaction takes. You say what you have to say and that's that. You meet up with a German friend you haven't seen for awhile and chances are he might ask, "Have you gained weight?" It's not meant as an insult, merely a polite inquiry.

The bottom line is that the rules of human interaction are different in Germany. Here are a few of them:

Personal invitations of all kinds are to be taken at face value. "We're having a party, please do come," means "We're having a party, please do come," and not "We feel rude not inviting you in front of these other people, but surely you'll have the grace not to show up." Similarly, "Come over to my house and we'll have tea," means that you should start planning a date and time for that pleasant event. It is not to be confused with the Anglo-American "We should get together sometime," which means "I hope I never see you again."

Yes means yes and no means no. If you ask whether you can share someone's table (or borrow a pen, or get a ride) and that person says yes, that's the end of it. Even if the person does not smile or tell you to go right ahead, you do not have to ask again. Germans will be perplexed when you insist: "Are you sure? I won't be bothering you, will I? I'll just take this little corner and be done in a minute." For heavens sakes, they said yes already, and it's not like you're asking them to donate a kidney. Just sit down.

Preferences are expressed directly. If someone offers you tickets to the opera "Siegfried," don't put them off vaguely: "If only it lasted just a tiny bit less than six hours, I'd love to go, but my schedule is jam-packed." If you don't like Wagner, or opera, just say so. Germans will not be offended that you have an opinion that differs from theirs. But . . .

You may have to talk about it. There are consequences for all this directness, and this is one. You may be asked why you don't want to come to someone's party or why you don't like Wagner, and then you must explain. You may even have to have a discussion about it, or possible a debate. But perhaps you can do that over tea. Would you like to come over some time?

Contributed by Maria Snyder, now living in Chicago, USA.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/0,1518,416920,00.html

I'm not sure -notice the Americanism here : ) - if I agree completely with the fruitcake example. Most Germans I know including myself would still at least try a small piece. And in American culture no one gets insulted if you don't eat up, right! : )

I remember I was surprised when my hubby and I were invited somewhere and a day before people would always double check "If we were still on". To me that was almost insulting, I mean we had a date, it was in my calendar and unless some act of God would intervene we were going. Did they assume we were that flaky? But I was ensured that that's just the way they do it here, especially in LA.

The following German article - which I will translate here roughly - talks about wht Anglo-Saxons don't say what they mean. As it is considered rude to say "no" the message is delivered in an encrypted way of saying "no" without directly saying it. In Anglo-Saxon culture it is more important to not hurt others feelings than saying the truth. So you better know the code.

Here a view translation examples:
How are you? - means: Hi - Just say "great"
Just come over some time. - Does not mean to actually stop by
I wonder if this is really the best solution? - not an actual question, it means no
I'm wondering if we need more time? - means no
Wouldn't blue fit your eyes better? - means you look like a scarecrow in this dress
We might want to review some parts of the project - means " no", it doesn't mean you are asked for your opinion
It was different - It was horrible, weird

This is where the term little white lie and polite lie comes from. It's a socially accepted and even requested lie. For example a polite Anglo-Saxon would never say that he doesn't like a gift.
So what does he say when he actually really likes a gift?? Well, basically he will completely freak out. "Honey, look, what they gave me, that's what I've always wanted as a kid, no, even before I was born I wanted exactly this, wait until I show our neighbors, thank you soooooo much, I will remember this day for the rest of my life and my grandchildren will be talking about it, I will write this on my grave stone." So if for you as a German the situation slowly gets a little embarrassing and you start asking yourself if he is trying to make fun of you, the gift was just right.

Happy Anglo-Saxons can be quite exhausting for Germans. But the problem gets more serious the other way round. I you as an American give a German a gift you will always be disappointed because Germans never freak out about those kind of things. For an Anglo-Saxon the code for a normal German "Thank you" is a sign that you didn't like the gift. Many Us boys come home from a date completely devastated because they thought the German girl didn't like their gift and they don't understand what they did wrong. Well, nothing, she loved it, but she is German. That's how they are, no reason not to marry her.

But what do Anglo-Saxons really think about Germany? We might never find out. At least if they are well-mannered. They will always say that they absolutely love it and that everything is great and awesome. The way kids are raised is" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything." Especially when you travel abroad. To criticize your host is basically as impolite as you can get.

For Germans that is frustrating. If somebody spent some time in a country they assume that naturally there must be also things one didn't like. It is considered as being honest to share those things in a differentiated opinion as a sign of a cultivated critical spirit. A person who simply sees everything as super and great is considered simple, naive, and shallow - the latter one being one of the top stereotypes German hold against Americans. From a US perspective this might be a compliment in a way.

Most Germans know about such a cultural code in countries like Japan. But for some reason they don't expect it with Anglo-Saxons. So why on earth is this not taught in English classes! But instead thousands of German exchange students are sent to London, New York or Ottawa completely unprepared to answer the question at the end of their stay: "So how did you like your stay?"It's left to the reader to imagine this cultural disaster.

So if a German spends a lot of time with Anglo-Saxons and realizes for the first time that this code exists he often starts to panic and starts to question every comment: Does he really mean that or does he just say that to be polite? And how am I supposed to act? Where can I buy this code book?!

Well, you got to live with the fact that you will never know certain things. I good guest will always make you feel that you changed his whole life. If you are a guest save the critique for your journal and concentrate on one specific thing that you can honestly praise, or at least as honestly as possible.

We learned that a lot of things seem to be exaggerated to Germans. A good measure to find out if somebody really means it is to count three times (unless the American has lived in Germany long enough). If the Anglo Saxon says three times "Please come visit us again!" and you (the German) already start to get a bit irritated it's pretty safe to say they mean it. Don't come over if it's only said once!

Finally: nobody expects perfect social behavior from a foreigner in any country. Most Americans know that Germans are, well, more direct. So there is a little grace unless you don't like to work with stereotypes.

If you know the rules or at least know they exist you can break them strategically. Just use this for an introduction: "I'm German so I'm sorry if this seems like a direct question..." Once your reputation is ruined...

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Warum Amerikaner (Briten, Kanadier) nicht sagen, was sie meinen

September 18, 2006

Hey, how are you? fragt der Amerikaner und ist dann überrascht, wenn der Deutsche erzählt, sein Frettchen sei gerade überfahren worden. Just come on over sometime! sagt der Brite und ist entsetzt, wenn der Deutsche irgendwann wirklich vor der Tür steht. Angelsachsen meinen nicht immer, was sie sagen, Deutsche dagegen meist schon. Kommen die beiden Kulturen zusammen, gibt es ganz andere Probleme als nur den Händedruck.

Denn Amerikaner, Briten, Kanadier und die anderen aus diesem Kulturkreis sprechen in gewissen Situationen verschlüsselt. Das gebietet die Höflichkeit. Es gilt zum Beispiel als krude, direkt no zu sagen und daher wird etwas anderes gesagt, das jeder andere Angelsachse als ein “Nein” versteht, aber nicht “Nein” heißt.

Auf die Frage an die beste Freundin, wie einem ein Kleid steht, wird eine Deutsche vielleicht das Gesicht verziehen und “Du, nicht wirklich” sagen oder “Ich weiß nicht, ob es dir so gut steht”, eine Amerikanerin aber eher etwas wie “Würde blau nicht besser zu deinen Augen passen?”. Für eine Amerikanerin heißt das, du siehst aus wie eine magersüchtige Vogelscheuche mit einem Heroin-Problem, während eine Deutsche das Gefühl hat, man redet aneinander vorbei. Augen? Was faselt die von meinen Augen? Ich will wissen, ob mein Arsch fett aussieht!

Andere Beispiele: Bei einer Diskussion mit Amerikanern heißt I wonder if this is really the best solution übersetzt “nein”. I’m wondering if we might need more time heißt “nein” und We might want to review some parts of the project heißt “nein”. Amerikaner sind verwirrt (oder schlicht sauer), wenn Deutsche nach solchen Sätzen kurz überlegen und sagen, nee, so ist’s gut, und dann einfach weitermachen. Aus der Sicht des Amerikaners war die Aussage klar und deutlich.

Die Regel gilt auch für den Alltag. Ein höflicher Kanadier wird nicht sagen, dass ihm ein Geschenk nicht gefällt, denn das würde sich nicht gehören und könnte die Gefühle des anderen verletzten. Und das ist - um zum zentralen Punkt der Geschichte zu kommen - im Zweifelsfall wichtiger als die reine Wahrheit. Deswegen sagt man es - wenn überhaupt - verschlüsselt, und weil der andere den Code kennt, versteht er es und alles bleibt höflich. Nicht umsonst gibt es im Englischen die Begriffe little white lie und polite lie, die beide wesentlich schwächer sind als eine “Notlüge”: Es handelt sich um eine gesellschaftlich akzeptierte, mehr noch, eine gesellschaftlich vorgeschriebene Flunkerei.

Das wirft die Frage auf, wie Briten & Co. reagieren, wenn ihnen wirklich ein Geschenk gefällt. Kurz gesagt, sie flippen völlig aus. Das wollte ich schon immer haben, Liebling, schau her, was sie mir gebracht haben, schon als Kind, nein, bereits vor der Geburt wollte ich genau das haben, warte, bis es die Nachbarn sehen, vielen, vielen, vielen dank, diesen Tag werde ich mein ganzes Leben lang nicht vergessen und meine Enkelkinder werden noch davon sprechen, ich lasse es mir auf meinen Grabstein meißeln. Wenn einem als Deutscher die ganze Situation peinlich wird und man sich langsam fragt, ob man verarscht wird, ist es genau richtig.

So anstrengend glückliche Angelsachsen für Deutsche sein können: Umgekehrt ist das Problem ernster. Ein Amerikaner, der einem Deutschen ein Geschenk macht, ist eigentlich immer enttäuscht, denn Deutsche flippen bei so etwas nie aus. In dem Codebuch eines Angelsachsen ist das normale deutsche Dankeschön aber ein Zeichen dafür, dass man das Geschenk nicht mag. Dieser Autor hat über die Jahre schon einige betrübte Landsleute trösten müssen, die mit der Klage She didn’t like my present! What did I do wrong? I don’t understand! völlig geknickt von einem Date zurückgekommen sind. Nein, sie hat es geliebt, aber sie ist eine Deutsche. Die sind halt so. Heirate sie trotzdem.

Jetzt kommt der Teil, der einigen interessierten Lesern nicht unbedingt gefallen dürfte: Die gerade beschriebenen Prinzipien gelten ganz besonders für das Verhalten von Angelsachsen im Ausland, also in unserem speziellen Fall für das von Amerikanern in Deutschland. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything, schärft man den Kiddies ein und so halten sie im Urlaub oder beim Austauschprogramm den Mund: Kritik am Gastgeber ist so ziemlich der Gipfel der Unhöflichkeit.

Und deswegen ist es so gut wie unmöglich aus Amerikanern oder Briten oder wem auch immer herauszubekommen, wie es ihnen in Deutschland wirklich gefällt. Wenn sie gut erzogen sind, werden sie immer sagen, dass es toll ist. Einfach super. Total spitze. Alles andere wäre ein Zeichen einer katastrophalen Kinderstube, nur knapp weniger schlimm als das Schnäuzen mit dem Tischtuch oder die ausgedehnte Ohrreinigung mit dem Eßstäbchen.

Für Deutsche ist das frustrierend. Wenn jemand einige Zeit in einem Land verbracht hat, gehen sie davon aus, dass es Dinge gibt, die einem nicht gefallen haben - natürlich. Es gilt als “ehrlich”, diese anzusprechen und eine “differenzierte” Meinung als ein Zeichen eines kultivierten, kritischen Geistes. Wer alles toll, super und spitze findet, gilt als dumm, leichtgläubig, oberflächlich - letzteres ist nicht umsonst eines der häufigsten deutschen Vorurteile über Amerikaner. Aus US-Sicht ist das in gewisser Weise ein Kompliment.

Zwar ist das Prinzip solcher kulturellen Codes den meisten Deutschen von Ländern wie Japan bekannt, wo offenbar “nein” nur deswegen im Wörterbuch steht, weil die Sprachpolizei es verlangt. Bei den Briten oder Amerikanern erwarten sie es aber komischerweise nicht. Es wird auch nicht im Englischunterricht vermittelt, was diesem Autor ein völliges Rätsel ist: Es bleibt dem Leser als Übung überlassen sich vorzustellen, wie das normale Verhalten von deutschen Austauschschülern in London, New York oder Ottawa wirkt. How did you like your stay? heißt es dann am Ende, und jedes Jahr laufen dann tausende nichts ahnende deutsche Kinder ins kulturelle Messer.

Wird Deutschen mit viel Kontakt zu Angelsachsen zum ersten Mal klar, dass es einen Code gibt, bricht schon mal Panik aus. Jeder Satz, jede Äußerung wird hinterfragt: Meint er das oder sagt er es nur, weil er höflich ist? Und wie verhalte ich mich denn? Ich will auch das Codebuch!

Man muss zuerst damit leben lernen, dass man einige Dinge nicht erfahren wird. Ein guter Gast wird bei einem immer das Gefühl geben, dass man sein Leben verändert hat. Wer es sich nicht darauf beruhen lassen kann oder will, muss mitdenken, sich in den anderen hineinversetzen und sich auf seine Empathie verlassen. Wer selbst Gast ist, spart sich bitte seine Kritik für sein Tagebuch auf und konzentriert sich auf einen möglichst konkreten Punkt, der dann ehrlich gelobt wird, oder zumindest so ehrlich wie möglich. It was different heißt übrigens übersetzt “es war schrecklich”. So einfach kommt man nicht davon.

Eine weitere Faustregel ist das oben beschriebene Prinzip, dass viele Dinge auf Deutsche übersteigert wirken (Vorsicht aber bei Amerikanern, die lange genug in Deutschland leben und wissen, welche Reaktion angebracht ist). Hilfreich ist auch die “Dreierregel”: Wenn ein Angelsachse drei Mal etwas sagt (Please come visit us again!) und man schon leicht genervt ist, dann gilt es mit ziemlicher Sicherheit. Einmal ist dagegen kein Mal.

Am Ende sollte man sich aber auch vor Augen halten: In keinem Land erwartet man von einem Ausländer ein völlig “korrektes” Sozialverhalten. Die meisten Amerikaner wissen, dass Deutsche, sagen wir mal, direkter sind. Einen gewissen Spielraum hat man also schon, so lange man nichts dagegen hat, Stereotypen zu bedienen.

Wer die Regeln kennt, oder wenigstens von ihnen weiß, kann sie dann auch gezielt brechen. Die Schönste Germanin benutzt hin und wieder die Einleitung I’m German, so I’m sorry if this seems like a direct question, die jedem Angelsachsen in Hörweite und insbesondere diesem Autor das Blut gefrieren lässt. Ist der Ruf erst ruiniert …
http://usaerklaert.wordpress.com/2006/09/18/warum-amerikaner-briten-kanadier-nicht-sagen-was-sie-meinen/
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The standard question I get here is " So how do you like it here"? Not my favorite question.although it's a natural thing to ask. I just don't like it because every time I don't manage to jump in the air and clap for excitement I feel guilty because I know how people will probably interpret it and my hubby will be disappointed. Maybe I should follow the suggestions I got to take some acting classes.

The example with gifts is so true. In the beginning people asked me 10 times if I really liked it and I just confirmed that I had said yes and was sort of surprised they were doubting my first answer.

Well, as I said, this is the hardest one so if anybody finds that code book, I wanna read it! Until then I'm just waiting for you contributions to explain the social code!

Introduction to Transatlantic Communication

Bumps and Jolts on the Cultural Road

"Large areas of similarity between Germans and Americans make it easy to underestimate the dangers of misunderstanding."

by William Parks

One of the unpleasant things about traveling are bad places in the road that cause bumps and jolts, upsetting you and knocking over your coffee. These are particularly bad when you're not expecting them. It's the same way when you're in what I call "the Transatlantic Zone" - that's any place and any time Americans and Germans are doing business together. In the Transatlantic Zone there can also be bumps and jolts when you're not expecting them. Let me give you an example.

When I was starting up my freelance business in 1984, I had a German client, a businessman, who came to me and literally shocked me by the way he explained what he wanted from me.

He said to me at our first meeting, "Mr. Parks, you have to be merciless with me, you have to stamp out every single mistake I make." He was referring to his use of English, and to this day I vividly remember his words, the pinched, painful look on his face, and the pounding fist on my table as he said these words. At the time I wondered just what sort of relationship I was getting myself into.

What I didn't fully understand back then was that German professionals expect high-level, expert performance of themselves, and that fumbling around in English, the language of international business, amounts to personal embarrassment, personal shame even. Americans, on the other hand, usually don't worry about linguistic perfection. An American might put learning a foreign language on the important-things-to-do-list. He might even start taking lessons, but he certainly wouldn't see performance in the language as a source of soul-searching anguish.

These are differences in our personal way of conducting business, rather typical differences between Americans and Germans, differences that can lead to friction in our person to person communication. This sort of friction leads to a loss of effectiveness in transatlantic business, and today I would like to explore with you reasons for this loss in effectiveness, and what to do about it.

Transatlantic business involves person-to-person interactions between speakers of different languages and with differing cultural backgrounds. Under these circumstances we can only marvel at how much business is successfully transacted. Nevertheless, these transactions are often carried out in a rather bumpy manner, with frequent misunderstandings and loss of information, time, and effort. This ultimately means lost opportunities and lost business volume.

A sign of this frequent loss of effectiveness in the Transatlantic Zone is when Zone participants point out again and again how much better they can do business with their own kind of people: "Boy, these Germans are really weird. I don't see how anybody can get anything done with them." "Those Americans, mein Gott, I'm never completely sure when they really mean what they say."

If we look more closely at this frequent loss of effectiveness, we find it involves three factors:

1. a linguistic factor - inadequacies in use of language and resulting misunderstandings;
2. a cultural factor - faulty judgments based on cultural assumptions;
3. a psychological factor - reduced competency as a result of performing under such circumstances.

The linguistic factor seems obvious. The communication partners can have problems with English, the agreed language of transatlantic business. At first we may think of the German partner as the one who makes mistakes, fails to understand quickly enough, and misses a few things. This point of view is simply conventional and unfair. Successful transatlantic communication is not so much the German side rising up to the level of the American side, but both sides finding common ground, a working modus of communication in the Zone.

The second factor, the cultural factor, refers to a cultural conditioning which most people are not aware of. Many people only become aware of a different cultural conditioning when they travel abroad and are confronted with different patterns of behavior and ways of seeing things.

What "culture" in this way means is a people's way of coping with the external world, their way of finding behavior patterns that make survival more likely for them. Like life itself, these behavior patterns and ways of understanding the outside world, other persons, and even one's own self, these patterns evolve slowly, and then live on over generations, often over centuries.

Eventually their original significance often becomes lost. Thus we shake hands - why? Well, it goes back to Western antiquity and was a gesture to show that one held no concealed weapon in the fighting hand, the right hand.

In other parts of the world, such as the Far East, it was hardly known as a custom and remained that way until the twentieth century. Over the course of the centuries, the original meaning of handshaking became forgotten, becoming simply "something you do."

But on a deeper level, below the level of consciousness, in shaking hands and saying hello to a stranger, we also make physical contact involving four senses: seeing, touching, hearing, and even smelling. Without being aware of it, we are gathering vital intuitive impressions concerning this stranger - and quite literally making first contact.

In this way, shaking hands lives on a useful life in an age without concealed daggers, regardless of whether or not we are aware of everything that is going on in the communication.

Thus the significance of cultural behaviors is "hidden." We often only become aware of this hidden significance when someone fails to do as expected, such as not saying goodbye, or not shaking hands. For this reason, experts on culture, such as the anthropologist Edward T. Hall, refer to culture as our "hidden" or "silent language."

The third factor in transatlantic loss of effectiveness is the psychological factor, and this is one that we can easily observe, although we may not comprehend its full significance. Let's take an example. Let's say you're a technical expert, and you want to explain something, but you have to explain it in a second language. Furthermore, you're having a bad day, and you fumble it all up. All the while you're thinking, "If only I could explain this in my language!" And the more you fumble around, the more frustrated you get.

Now this may seem to be simply a linguistic matter. And to a lesser degree it is - but far more is happening here. There are Those Others around you in the Zone, observing you as you fumble around, and those Others are making judgments about you perhaps.

What's worse, they may not be aware that they are making judgments. Nevertheless, they are communicating these judgments on a non-verbal level, you are taking in this communication, and it is strongly affecting your performance, probably in an adverse way. Communication experts [such as Dr. Alfred Pritz in Vienna] point out that something like 80% of communication is non verbal. We can add that the larger portion of this is on a level that we are not aware of.

Keeping these three factors in mind, let us continue to explore reasons for those bumpy rides in the Transatlantic Zone. For over 20 years now, I have been working together with German professionals. At first my area of interest was simply language. Over time my interest shifted to interactive personal communication skills -how well people are able to communicate and get along with each other, especially face-to-face.

What I began to notice was that there were problems people had that could not be explained simply as linguistic. Whereas they were calm and confident enough with their own kind of people, when together with persons from another language and culture, they tended to become unsure of themselves. They had learned their "roles" well enough in the home culture, but together with persons from another culture, they weren't presenting themselves and their interests convincingly enough. They were confronted with another audience and didn't exactly know how to reach it.

So, does that mean that we Americans only have to feel for those poor Germans trying to cope with us? Hardly. You recall that I said, successful communication requires both sides finding a common ground, including language. Both sides have to work at this.

For Americans this means viewing English also as a second language, a somewhat different language than what we speak with our kids and with our bowling friends. Among other things, this means finding ways to speak more understandably, such as imitating recordings made by actors or trained speakers.

To understand better how we relate to each other, we need to look some at our cultural backgrounds. German-American relations are very old. German immigrants first arrived in the New World in the seventeenth century and have kept coming ever since. Practically every American has some connection with Germany. German names abound in the US, with Millers and Myers everywhere. Thus it is no surprise that the two cultures are very similar. We shake hands, wear business suits, drive cars, watch movies, and drink beer. We're not talking about Tahiti meets Lapland here.

These large areas of similarity, however, make it all the easier to underestimate basic cultural differences and the dangers of misunderstandings and making faulty judgments unawares.

Let's take a look at some wide-spread perceptions we have of each other. How do Germans commonly perceive Americans? Answers to this include open, friendly, flexible, patriotic, but also superficial and unreliable. How do Americans perceive Germans? Here you find personal qualities such as honest, straightforward, reliable, serious, but also opinionated and aloof.

Now these are judgments, and as such, are never really fair to any particular real persons. Nevertheless, judgments like these are quite common, so how do they arise? A useful result of cultural studies to keep in mind is the following: whenever we are confronted with behavior we do not understand, we tend - all of us all over the world - to interpret this behavior in terms of our own experience and cultural conditioning. This leads to faulty judgments and misunderstandings about the character or nature of those Others in the Zone.

Let's look now at these two cultural backgrounds, American and German. Americans are products of what I call a frontier-egalitarian-individualistic culture. American thinking, American attitudes, and American behaviors have been greatly influenced by the long history of going west, to another, better place.

Americans are always willing and able to give up one set of circumstances in order to create another, better set of circumstances somewhere else. Risk-taking is engraved in the American psyche.

Those persons who left European shores for the New World left for reasons that were anything but pleasant. You didn't leave Diddl-Daddlheim because you were having a grand time there. You left because you were starving there. When you got to America, what you needed to survive were initiative, hard work, and cooperation with neighbors you had never seen before.

What you didn't need were titles, authority, certificates, and inherited privileges, because these were niceties that didn't help you clear the forest or fight wild animals. Later in life, if things weren't working out as you had expected, you packed up and moved on again, to where you hoped to find a better life.

What developed from this over a period of more than three centuries was a culture that values optimism, initiative, practicality, neighborliness, openness towards new persons, and egalitarianism, a sense that we are all equals.

German history and the shared German experience over the same period of time was, of course, quite different. Up until the time of Napoleon, the beginning of the nineteenth century, present-day Germany was a patchwork of over a hundred small states. Whatever your status was, peasant or noble person, you had it, you kept it, and you did better to like it, for there wasn't much you could do about it.

Germany only became unified in 1871, and after a more than forty year period of stability and prosperity, Germany entered the First World War. With it began a period of extreme turmoil and instability, ending only some 35 years later with the founding of the present Federal Republic. What this left was a people highly marked by a profound need for stability - for Ordnung.

The result of this history was a shared sense that only a clearly defined society with clearly-defined state powers and individual liberties could ensure survival and well-being. Left intact also was a need for clear occupational positions in society, gained by meeting clearly-set educational standards. Reliability, discipline at school and at work, and respect for recognized authorities earned you secure status, secure income, secure health care, and, at least up until recently, secure retirement.

In business life, this has resulted in what I call a tradition-minded, expert-elitist culture. You earn a position in this business culture by achievement in school, certification, lengthy high quality training, and resulting expertise. Once a member of the expert-elite, you have gained a place at or near the top of the social hierarchy. Traditionally, you have a very secure position, work hard from eight to five, and then lock the door, go home, and forget the Arbeit until the next workday. There is a clear separation of professional and private life, with a clear idea of which persons belong to which area of life.

You say "Sie" to your business associates, tell them the things necessary for conducting business, and not much about private life. You say "Du" to your friends, and place great value on lengthy, deep-going discussions with them, telling them as much as humanly possible about yourself and the rest of the universe. Both your circle of business associates and your circle of intimate friends are, by American standards, relatively small and stable.

Now let's go back and review two of those typical, but negative perceptions Germans and Americans have of each other. Germans often view Americans as superficial; Americans often view Germans as opinionated. These views, as I hope to have pointed out, are usually based on misconceptions and faulty judgments, often unawares. How does this come about?

To prosper in American society, and in American business, Americans must be flexible and deal with as many people as possible. Americans quite often have large circles of business associates and personal friends, and do not make any real effort to separate these two circles. Business and private sectors spill over into each other.

An American will have a barbecue picnic at the company on Friday afternoon and spend Sunday morning answering emails. The sheer number of friendly contacts, and the readiness to pack up and move on at short notice has made Americans unaccustomed to discussing things "in depth" with each other, at least not the way many Germans do with intimate friends.

Germans thus find Americans easy to get to know, but almost impossible to get to know well. Germans are then disappointed with their American friends, missing those soul searching, all-night discussions. Americans, the Germans then decide, are nice, but superficial.

Are Germans, on the other hand, opinionated? Recall that the German business person is part of that expert elitist business culture. This German has worked hard to achieve that status, and the status is secure. The German is valued for his expert knowledge. He wants to share this knowledge with you as one expert to another. Expert elitists do this willingly and openly after they have recognized you as a fellow expert-elitist.

Being overly friendly could be construed as a way of covering up a lack of competency. Clear, expert knowledge is called for, not pats on the back and war stories. Clear communication means just that, and Germans make high use of what linguists refer to as "intensifiers" to emphasize clarity - absolutely, by all means, without a doubt, beyond question, for sure, fact is, and so on.

Americans, on the other hand, are more immersed in the relationship and concerned with not antagonizing the other person. We are thus inclined to use "softeners" - kind of, sort of, you never know, you don't suppose, more or less, could be, in a way, etc.

In the same work situation, an American might say, "You know, we might want to rethink our marketing strategy"; whereas a German would perhaps say, "The company absolutely must rethink its marketing strategy."

This often seems harsh and uncompromising to Americans, as if to cut off all further discussion, leading easily to the American seeing the German as opinionated and a bit arrogant.

Well, misunderstandings in the use of language, cultural interference leading to faulty judgments, and reduced competency as a frequent consequence - what can we do about this?

For you Germans, forget trying to be perfect in English! Germans like to be perfectionists. Great when machining parts for automobile motors, bad when it comes to communicating. Communication is more than just language. It is literally everything you are doing in the presence of the other person. This means verbal language, the non-verbals, and the context - all of those are important ingredients of culture.

For us Americans, we need to assume more responsibility for the success of transatlantic communication. Practice speaking more clearly, more distinctly, and more slowly. Record yourself on tape, listen to it, and then compare it to the speech of actors in some of those wonderful old Hitchcock movies. Notice how Hitchcock has his actors speaking, and imitate their style. This will help you win German friends in the Transatlantic Zone.

And for all of us, keep in mind something communication expert Paul Watzlawick wrote, "Communication is what the receiver understands." Look at it this way: communication is understanding what the other guy understands. It is an on-going process that never really stops. In maintaining the communication, and in believing in it, the chances of understanding steadily increase. But you have to believe in it. And the best way of maintaining that belief is to study the other guy's culture.

You see, we have a shared capacity that is very human, and that is called curiosity. Become deeply curious about the other guy's way of thinking and doing things. A good place for Americans to start on German culture is Germany, Unraveling an Enigma, by Gerald Nees, one of those perceptive writers who understands both sides of the Atlantic. Germans who want to read about US culture can start with Geschäftlich erfolgreich in den USA, by Eugene Rembor.

Start with the other culture, if you like, and then you'll be off on a long, fascinating journey, one that will become more and more absorbing the farther you go. And what you'll find, if you go far enough - is yourself, your way of thinking, your way of making decisions, and your way of doing things. Then you can roll up your sleeves and really get down to work.

From a talk given at the Heidelberg AGBC by William Parks, M.A.
Mr. Parks provides specialized cross-cultural training for Germans and Americans in business.
For further information see www.pbtraining.de.

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I think this article gives a great overview of what we are dealing with in our interactions with people form different cultures. It points out specific phenomena that occur in German-American settings and offers explanations to the different ways of doing life.

I can only agree with the author that the major problem in communication between Americans and Germans is the assumption that there are no big differences. For me the hardest part has been that situations I thought I knew how to handle - because they looked so similar - turned out to work completely different and hit me unprepared.

I can relate very well to the examples given about the linguistic factor struggling to share my knowledge in a secondary language and realizing all to well that my attempt sounds everything but sophisticated. Have you ever started to share a story in a group conversation before realizing that you've never told that story in this particular language and that for your in order for your audience to understand it you might have to explain the the cultural background first? and by the time you get to the actual story you don't even feel like telling it anymore? I have. Don't even try with jokes!

But read for yourself and comment on you experiences.