The Challenge to Adapt

As a psychology student I remember studying Piaget's constructivist theory of learning - the concept of assimilation and accommodation as the two different ways in which we adapt to our environment. A baby for example assimilates to sucking on a bottle by simply applying what worked with the mother's breast. The new experience is incorporated into an already existing framework without having to change that framework. In order for the baby to learn how to hold that bottle it needs to develop a new skill it needs to accommodate. The representation of the external world needs to be reframed so it fits the new experiences which happens via trial and error, we learn by our (or other's) mistakes. Cultural adaptation to me often feels like having to learn things from scratch like a baby which can be kind of frustrating at 30 years old. Just think about all the different situations of everyday life: writing a resume, using a ATM, making an appointment on the phone, getting gas, having guests over, buying groceries, greeting somebody, ordering food, writing a check (I haven't seen anybody write a check since I was 8 years old!), driving a car ... . In many of those situations we just follow automated behavior without even consciously thinking about what we are doing. We expect the world to operate that way. Now imagine that in those situations you use your "normal" behavioral skills as usual and all of a sudden your expectation keeps being violated. It's not working anymore. You start to notice that somethings is wrong, either about the world or your approach to it. You need to learn a new skill that might not fit your former framework of thinking and doing life AT ALL. You might have to analyze automated behavior and UNLEARN it which is even harder to do and requires more alertness than learning a new behavior. Sounds too abstract? Driving a car for example includes many automated actions. Do you have any idea how long it took me to not freak out about cars overtaking me on the right every other second (big no no in Germany)? Ask my husband : ) I had to learn to check the mirrors and turn my head differently than I was used to and force myself to be alert to that. That meant no distraction, music or phone conversations for me in the beginning. Another thing I still catch myself not being alert enough to, is when it comes to intersections that are regulated with the stop signs on all 4 (!) sides. I am used to simple look to my right and go if it's clear. Right of way is regulated VERY differently in Germany. It's hard to force myself to look in all 4 directions, especially in the morning when I'm not quite awake yet. So only by making mistakes you find out that you need to adapt. The challenge is that that if you avoid making mistakes you will prolong the adaptation process. But who likes to make mistakes - daily? Several times! Mistakes can be dangerous or at least embarrassing. Especially when you don't look like a foreigner and you didn't just move here yesterday. I guess the hardest accommodation needs to happen in our mind that keeps wanting to connect our self-esteem to our success rate. The other accommodation needs to happen in our heart: it can be quite humbling to "perform" a behavior just because that's how it works (and you need it to work to live here) that does not match your internal convictions, values and logic. Now the challenge is to either surrender or come up with a creative solution - and concern what the better option is depending on the situation. In matters of driving I surrendered my behavior while still being convinced that the German way gets people to their destination more quickly and more safe ... and maybe would have saved the the state of California from bankruptcy - those stop signs are expensive : )

English Classes versus Real Life Classes

Lately in the supermarket when the cashier mumbled "What up?" and the bagger mumbled "Help out?" I was proud of myself for actually getting what they said quicker than usual and without having to put on my "what-was-that-confused-look". On my way back I was thinking about how my English teacher back at school used to scold students who would offer a two word sentence as an answer to a question with "Make an intelligent sentence, please!" Well, I leave it at that.

The other day in a therapy session one of my clients was using some slang. I just nodded as I figured the meaning of the word wouldn't change the story but since we are working on co-dependence issues she took good care of me asking if I knew what this word means and explained it to me : )

To be continued...

The Power of a Flower

The city I grew up in has about 50.000 residents. It is 20 min away from Stuttgart, 600.000 residents. European cities usually have a historic center like a former market place or palace court. These car-free zones with their outdoor malls, boutiques, fountains, theaters, restaurants, bars, clubs and bistros draw people to enjoy their leisure time in a picturesque ambient. Webcam Stuttgart So now I'm in Los Angeles. 4 million residents. I remember the lesson a "friendly" immigration officer at the airport once taught me. You know these green forms visitors have to fill out and give the address of where they are staying? I had put the adress where I was staying and for city I had put "Los Angeles, Sherman Oaks". I thought it was all called LA with different suburbs. Wrong. Can't believe Germany doesn't include that in the curriculum at school. Sorry Mr. Officer if I offended you by being so unsophisticated. At least you didn't need to call the airport translator to talk to me. Okay, I got a bit sidetracked here. My point is, this lesson is taking longer to learn than I thought. I'm still trying to figure out the picture of LA as a city in my head. You know, like when I think of Sydney for example, I have a coherent picture of the bay, the opera house, the bridge, Darling Habour. That's down town. I guess the European brain is structured in a way that it is always looking for the city center (shape of a circle) even in the smallest town, that's where people go for entertainment. Down town Sherman Oaks, however, consists of a view blocks on Ventura Blvd. For the city fair the have to block the 4-lane street (shape of a line)! So I figured out that the different cities that are part of LA area are not suburbs - for the record - even when most of them don't appear like separate cities with visible city limits. So within this huge mass of connecting concrete there are different city centers with quite different feels: Down town LA is home of the financial district and a lot of missions to reach the homeless of Skid Row. Hollywood is where people go out if they want the craziness. Santa Monica's 3rd street has a bit of the European feel to it, we should go there more often. Pasadena Old town comes close except there are no pedestrian zones. Malibu is nice to go hiking or find a secluded beach. And of course there is Chinatown, home to the Chinese new year parade and cheap markets. Then there is Little Mexico, I mean Van Nuys and Panorama City - best Walmart freak-show ever. I'm told that more places to avoid are Pomona and Compton if you don't want to get shot. Can't believe I applied for a job where I would have had to do house visits in those areas with drug-addicted gang members! etc. So you can see I am on my way to figuring in all out. What didn't take me long to figure out is that I am a person who needs visual beauty around me to survive. Beauty is healing to our soul. Have you ever wondered why we give flowers to the grieving? In Germany graveyards are beautiful flower-gardens. In midst of the concrete jungle with its multi-lane streets full of wholes and decorated with pieces of blown up tires and other trash on the sides, its ugly grey box-shaped buildings, the sensory overload of blinking and flashing advertisements, billboards and signs as far as you can see, I try to find something for my spirit to rest. What saved me when we lived in our old apartment was our little balcony next to a big maple tree. Since we lived on the 2nd floor I had a bit of a view on the mountains (at least on clear days, aka in winter). I planted some flowers and decorated the place. And I saved the palm tree that my husband had brought into our marriage (he considered it dead) but I was determined to give it another chance and after a lot of patience and care I watched my "tree of hope" grow. I like walking through neighborhoods with colorful gardens and colonial style houses. I smell the sweet fragrance of the jasmine on my patio. I watch the humming bird outside at the pool and try to ignore the power lines in the background. When I'm stuck in traffic in the morning I look at the sun over the (sometimes snow topped) mountains. I do something creative. And sometimes God gives me an extra gift when one of my cacti develops a beautiful red flower for a day. And I try to get away from the visuals and noises of the city as often as possible. I don't find it easy to find those places though. Being used to run around a quiet lake in the forest, the experience of running around lake Balboa on a paved track covered with duck poop and overcrowded by masses of people was rather disappointing. North Hollywood park has dirt tracks but it's right next to the highway and my allergies have gotten bad enough since I moved here. So I'm happy when we make it to the beach, the mountains, Descanso gardens or Santa Barbara. I think Paul sums it up pretty well:

Philippians 4:8 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV)

As I said, I'm working on it. Or maybe I should say, I let Him work on it : )

^{Philippians 3:12 12}Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. (NIV)