The Challenge to Adapt

As a psychology student I remember studying Piaget's constructivist theory of learning - the concept of assimilation and accommodation as the two different ways in which we adapt to our environment. A baby for example assimilates to sucking on a bottle by simply applying what worked with the mother's breast. The new experience is incorporated into an already existing framework without having to change that framework. In order for the baby to learn how to hold that bottle it needs to develop a new skill it needs to accommodate. The representation of the external world needs to be reframed so it fits the new experiences which happens via trial and error, we learn by our (or other's) mistakes. Cultural adaptation to me often feels like having to learn things from scratch like a baby which can be kind of frustrating at 30 years old. Just think about all the different situations of everyday life: writing a resume, using a ATM, making an appointment on the phone, getting gas, having guests over, buying groceries, greeting somebody, ordering food, writing a check (I haven't seen anybody write a check since I was 8 years old!), driving a car ... . In many of those situations we just follow automated behavior without even consciously thinking about what we are doing. We expect the world to operate that way. Now imagine that in those situations you use your "normal" behavioral skills as usual and all of a sudden your expectation keeps being violated. It's not working anymore. You start to notice that somethings is wrong, either about the world or your approach to it. You need to learn a new skill that might not fit your former framework of thinking and doing life AT ALL. You might have to analyze automated behavior and UNLEARN it which is even harder to do and requires more alertness than learning a new behavior. Sounds too abstract? Driving a car for example includes many automated actions. Do you have any idea how long it took me to not freak out about cars overtaking me on the right every other second (big no no in Germany)? Ask my husband : ) I had to learn to check the mirrors and turn my head differently than I was used to and force myself to be alert to that. That meant no distraction, music or phone conversations for me in the beginning. Another thing I still catch myself not being alert enough to, is when it comes to intersections that are regulated with the stop signs on all 4 (!) sides. I am used to simple look to my right and go if it's clear. Right of way is regulated VERY differently in Germany. It's hard to force myself to look in all 4 directions, especially in the morning when I'm not quite awake yet. So only by making mistakes you find out that you need to adapt. The challenge is that that if you avoid making mistakes you will prolong the adaptation process. But who likes to make mistakes - daily? Several times! Mistakes can be dangerous or at least embarrassing. Especially when you don't look like a foreigner and you didn't just move here yesterday. I guess the hardest accommodation needs to happen in our mind that keeps wanting to connect our self-esteem to our success rate. The other accommodation needs to happen in our heart: it can be quite humbling to "perform" a behavior just because that's how it works (and you need it to work to live here) that does not match your internal convictions, values and logic. Now the challenge is to either surrender or come up with a creative solution - and concern what the better option is depending on the situation. In matters of driving I surrendered my behavior while still being convinced that the German way gets people to their destination more quickly and more safe ... and maybe would have saved the the state of California from bankruptcy - those stop signs are expensive : )