It's hard having to always figure out cultural expectations. Whatever I do, I can never assume what's considered "normal" is normal to me or that people get what I like. It's exhausting.
The problem is, there is no "my world" here yet. I have to build it first and it takes a lot of effort to find out what's me in this place.
I just feel like I'm in a foreign world and it's hard to maintain or build an ID of myself since a lot of what I like(d) is simply different here or hard to find.
I just don't know what's expected of me e.g. on my birthday, what people need to know, what they might do to me. It's just scary, you know.
It's just this whole culture struggle that I can never escape. It's at work, it's at church, it's with in-laws. I'm trapped between what's normal to me, what I miss and having to figure out what people expect to not offend anybody or appear weird. It's a very tiring and vulnerable place to be in. There is a lot of pain. I just feel all this pressure of things I'm supposed to do but I'm not good at them and it takes so much effort to try and then I still don't get them right.
Posts
