Smiling Americans vs.Unfriendly Germans

Transatlantic Letters from William Parks
Comments on German and American Culture and Society

#1 Why Are Americans Always Smiling?
First of all, like people everywhere, there are times when Americans smile, and times when we do not. What is noticeable about Americans, however, is that we seem to smile far more often in public than people of other nationalities do. Americans have a very strong desire to be personally accepted by people in general, even strangers. In meeting another person for the first time, our first impulse typically is to somehow get that person to accept us.

What seems strange to Germans is that we seek this personal acceptance from people we don't even really know. Germans usually remain very reserved in public, and if the contact has something to do with work, are more inclined to seek respect for their competency. We all have a very basic human need for recognition, but Germans and Americans have differing initial strategies for gaining this. Germans typically seek recognition first for being competent in their area of work, and then only gradually seek personal recognition afterwards as the relationship deepens. Americans typically seek recognition first as a person, and then we use this recognition as a kind of psychological platform for demonstrating our competency in connection with work.

In the home culture, each of these strategies is sound, but in the transatlantic work context, they can lead to misjudgments of a person's character. Germans will often see Americans as "superficial" because we are smiling "when it doesn't mean anything." Americans will often see Germans as "aloof" because "they don't want you to get to know them." These are misjudgments because the behavior patterns here are acquired in the course of the person's socialization and have little or nothing to do with personal character.

#2 Why Are Germans So Unfriendly?
This is often the impression Americans get after arriving here. In over 30 years of experience with the Germans, however, I've found them just as friendly or unfriendly as any other people. In public they tend to be reserved and unemotional, but in private they open up and can become very warmhearted, good friends.

In public, Americans present themselves as friendly and outgoing, greeting strangers often with something like: Hi, how's it going? (Response: Great.) Germans present themselves as distanced, often "looking past" strangers, unless there is a clear reason for interacting, as when someone needs help.

There are different "game rules" involved here. We Americans like to have some sort of vague contact to the other people we see, including strangers. This may well be a holdover from frontier days, when it was vitally necessary to have some sort of idea who the other people in town were.

Germans play by different rules. You have people you know, who are your friends; and people you don't know, who are strangers. You deal very differently with these two very different types of people. You usually have contact with strangers only when there is some reason for this, and then you show considerable reserve and politeness. There is no reason to seek contact for its own sake. This is not being "unfriendly," but more a way of showing tacit respect and not intruding unnecessarily on the other person.

Of course there are differences in both countries - more "friendly" in the south and in the country; and more reserved in the north and in the cities. Wherever you are, "thawing out" together is not difficult, especially at any of the numerous German-American organizations. In addition, there is the fine old tradition of going out after work for a drink. Prost!

(http://www.howtogermany.com/transatlantic/transatlantic.php)